He never really understood women, did he? He knew he liked them but at the same time, kinda hated them. 

His mom, Debra, was never the most affectionate person, was she? She was very unstable. Some days she’d been in amazing moods, taking him to parks, carnivals, movies, buying pizza; but other days she wouldn’t even get out of bed. She’d stay in bed for days, weeks even. Not eating, not even getting up to go to the bathroom. The smell…. urghh. He felt like vomiting just remembering it. 

For his fourteenth birthday, not only did he not get a party or any kind of celebration, he had to answer the door to the City’s health officials because the neighbors had been complaining about the stench coming from the house. They threatened to arrest Mom due to “child abuse” and he remembers thinking “how can it be child abuse if she doesn’t even get up to beat me?” He told the officials she’d been sick and he was going to sort everything out. 

He doesn’t know why his mom got like that. This condition got worse over the years. He thinks it’s related to her ex-boyfriend, Tom. Tom worked at the Bank. Something related to investments. He never really understood, but he knew Tom was kind of rich. Also, his Job was very demanding, as he only came over late at night, sometimes in the middle of the night. They almost never slept either, they stayed in the bedroom, doing a bunch of weird things, and sometimes even screaming. 

By the time he woke up, Tom would be gone. After every visit, Debra would feel great for a while, and those days were great. She had high hopes for this relationship. One day she even said, “pretty soon we’re going to get out of this place and move into a much better one, you’ll see.”  It was clear she was in love with him. But Tom would be gone for days, even weeks not answering mom’s messages or calls, and that devastated her every time. Tom was kind of cool, always well dressed, nice car… And In the very rare and few occasions they saw each other in the morning, they talked about movies and sports and he’d tell jokes. But when he ghosted mom, he hated him a little. Having never met his dad, those short moments were a nice simulation of what it would be like to actually have a father. 

Speaking of which, that was a touchy subject. Debra doesn’t like to talk about it, and never has. He grew up with her referring to him using vague remarks like “The coward that left us” or “that guy”; among others. He tried mentioning once, but she freaked out.

“Why are you asking about your father? You HAVE no father!” She screamed. “Am I not enough of a parent for you? Go FUCK YOURSELF!” 

He was 11 years old at the time. He got the message. Mom didn’t want to talk about the man who’d abandoned her, understandable. He never mentioned or asked about him again. 

The mood swings kept getting worse and worse and so did the lack of affection. As he grew up and started becoming a man, she grew to resent him. The reasons for the resentment were many. The world had been too harsh on her. The world of Men. She had been taken advantage of too many times, sacrificed too much of herself and her life. Only to have the constant feeling that she amounted to nothing. Got pregnant young, didn’t have a chance to finish college and had to get a job to support two kids: the one growing in her belly and the one who put it there. At times she wondered “Where has it all gone wrong?” that sentence, that creeping feeling haunted her very often. To think that she had all the opportunities anyone could have wanted. She went to good schools, traveled abroad, learned languages, and… fell in love. In her mind, that had been the worst mistake of all. 

People often romanticize falling in love, there’s all the bullshit in the movies and pop culture. Truth is, you gotta get out as soon as you see those red flags. She didn’t. She didn’t see them neither did she get out of it. She remembers that her mom and dad warned her, they saw the signs. They insisted on it, “don’t get involved with this guy” they’d say, and she just thought at the time “I’m an adult, I know what I’m doing!”. Maria, her mother,  resented her the most and didn’t make any effort to get in touch at all. They hadn’t spoken for about 9 to 10 months. Joel, her dad, was the one who called and even visited. In fact, working for minimum wage, she would never be able to afford the place they were living. That was made possible by Joel’s monthly “allowance”, to the discontent of Maria who used to say that “people have to learn how to deal with the consequences of their actions”. Joel would never accept that, he’d say “That’s my little girl and I AM NEVER turning my back on her!” Her dad was the only man in her life who was actually worth something. If only she could find a man like him. A man who doesn’t leave his family behind. 

Debra’s son, Junior,  was an adult now, 21 years old. It’s funny how time seems to fly. As he developed his personality, she saw a mixture of good and bad qualities. 

She loved and hated her son. She felt too much of his father in him, too much of a typical, lying, deceiving, manipulating, scum of a man.